Hamburg Song – Keane

Most of the time, when people say “new look”, it’s usually followed by the words “new me”. In my case, that’s not true. I have a theory so pull up a seat, friend. I think the past several years have been occupied by a different version of myself. Not like an evil doppelgänger who held me hostage for half a decade (that shit would be craayyyy) but as if the real me was trapped inside and watching everything happen through this stranger’s eyes. Like when Gadreel takes over Sam Winchester’s body unknowingly and unwillingly in Supernatural. I know, I know. Super sexy that I know that, right? Don't fight, boys.

In all seriousness, a more accurate saying might be, “new look, real me”, at least at this point in my life anyway. Who’s to say that might not change in another several years? But my theory of this alternate me, this version of myself that I still see fragments of in the mirror each morning, is of someone I barely even know. In the haze of self-deprecation, yearning, and delusion, I don’t even remember how that alter ego even came to surface. I say it’s not me because now that I’ve clawed most of my way out of this…whatever it is, I realize that everything that screams ME hasn’t changed. Like at all. Even from my earliest memories when I could barely see over the arm of a couch.

So, I solemnly swear that I am up to no good that I will be as genuine and human as possible, for as long as possible. I won’t be bearing my soul and guts or nothin’ but as a human, I have a right to come across imperfectly real, don’t I?

Until next time, stay bold and beautifully weird, folks.

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