♫ Hamburg Song – Keane
Most of the time, when people say “new
look”, it’s usually followed by the words “new me”. In my case, that’s not true.
I have a theory so pull up a seat, friend. I think the past several years have
been occupied by a different version of myself. Not like an evil doppelgänger
who held me hostage for half a decade (that shit would be craayyyy) but as if
the real me was trapped inside and watching everything happen through this
stranger’s eyes. Like when Gadreel takes over Sam Winchester’s body unknowingly and unwillingly in
Supernatural. I know, I know. Super sexy that I know that, right? Don't fight,
boys.
In all seriousness, a more accurate saying
might be, “new look, real me”, at least at this point in my life anyway. Who’s
to say that might not change in another several years? But my theory of this
alternate me, this version of myself that I still see fragments of in the
mirror each morning, is of someone I barely even know. In the haze of
self-deprecation, yearning, and delusion, I don’t even remember how that alter
ego even came to surface. I say it’s not me because now that I’ve clawed most
of my way out of this…whatever it is, I realize that everything that screams ME
hasn’t changed. Like at all. Even from my earliest memories when I could barely
see over the arm of a couch.
So, I solemnly swear that I am up to no
good that I will be as genuine and human as possible, for as long as possible.
I won’t be bearing my soul and guts or nothin’ but as a human, I have a right
to come across imperfectly real, don’t I?
Until next time, stay bold and beautifully weird, folks.
